Author: Philo

human

Age

It is a peculiar thing, age. In some ways clarifying, opening unseen pages of a book that we have forgotten. And in some ways oppressive, sucking the life-energy, the blood from our veins.

How we think about age matters long before we grow old.

In those years before age we talk of the past in terms of years and then decades, not often thinking of ourselves as young or old. We simply are, and this is good. But it would behoove us in our impetuous years to consider our own age then, and in the future.

When we are young we create our older selves.

Age comes upon us quietly and shrouds us in doubt and apathy, in fear and pain. Unmotivated to act we must draw upon our younger selves. Those times when we knew what we were capable of. When we are old we need to know our limitations. It is a different side of the same coin.

So if we know our limitations, and strive to know what we are capable of the child within will never really go away. We can live comfortably knowing we are old but believing we are young.

We can spend our old age playing like children.

The Forlorn Places

There are places in the city that are forgotten. They are passed by. Once, they were fortresses of pride and now they are empty shells. These places in the city are bastions, a haven for the weary city-dweller, busy always with the burning of time for nothing.

Be that as it may in these places one can disappear, taking a break from the endless reaching and taking. The tired dweller can take a break among the lost causes and arrogance.

I like to walk my dogs in these places. They run joyfully through the overgrown acres and through the trees and bushes once pruned and now growing freely. they pay no heed to the cement structures sitting silently among the unnatural forest.

These places are my favorite places in the city. they, in their failure, are a success. They are a peaceful bastion and I search them out. They are my secret out in the open. they are my own paradise in the endless succession of more, and more and more.

Looking for answers among a myriad of possibilities is asking questions that cannot be answered. Perhaps I’ll find answers in these forlorn places? Maybe you will too?

Bored

There is something about a sunrise. Early in the morning. It must be the light, but it seems cleansing and rejuvenating. Especially on a day free from plans. Nothing is needed. No desires and no one desires anything of you. The light, the freedom from and the freedom to. The hours ahead drip calming your head consciously.

These mornings fresh from sleep, a little drowsy, coffee in hand, before the world wakes up are the church where god is found. These minutes are void of those pesky minutia and memorandums that we so often live our lives by . Days like this are silent and still and I wait for the second coming: boredom.

But this boredom is nothing to scoff at. It is needed. It is the sky in which my mind soars. It is the sun which doesn’t burn us as we fly ever closer. It is space in which dreams are born and ideas are molded. Boredom is the topsoil that we plant our hopes in. For without boredom what are we but the mechanization of a narcissist?

Be bored and see what dreams come.

Be Curious, but Not at All Costs

The other day I was thinking of that proverbial question:

“What is my purpose in life?!”

The simple answer, I thought, is that there is no purpose “in life”. But to us human beings the answer cannot be that simple. Our choices matter, we think. We have purpose, we think. But purpose does not exist in a broader sense, but it does exist in a more narrow one. It is a useful tool to make sense of our lives. It can motivate us to find a balance.

“Be curious but not at all costs.” a voice finally said in my head, “that’s the purpose in life.”

We become capable of purpose. That purpose we are so intent on finding is always moving, as slippery as an eel. And as we try to confine it and make it conform to our wishes and desires we grow and become more intelligent, and hence more free.

Curiosity and this process of learning are key. They fit together and lead us to purpose. Our purpose is not even possible without them. So, if we need a purpose make it: to be more curious and to learn. Remember,

Life is meaningless, but it doesn’t have to be.

Those Things We Do

“You know what you’ve got.” a friend once said to me. Such a statement is not an epiphany. It is a process that takes time and understanding, understanding what is actually important rather than what we want to be important.

We all have a finite amount of time. What we do with this time is up to us. But in order to realize this takes time. It is a puzzle-play if thought about but if ignored we often find ourselves at a lost and surprised at the end of the days, weeks, and years that we’ve lived.

“Where did time go?” we might ask.

So how do we go about not wasting the precious time that we have? The things that we have should afford us the best use of our time. The things that we think we need should help us understand our time better. And we should experience as much as possible with the time that we have. All the while we think we have time but we don’t know how much time we’ve got.

The answer is fairly simple. We need to rid ourselves of those things, those acts, and those people that waste our time or are not worthy of the precious time that we have. In short,

To “know what [we’ve] got we must get rid of those things that we don’t need.

Sabotage

It’s a beautiful day and I have a cup of strong, hot, black coffee. I sit in an old chair on a private beach in northern Denmark and look out over the Baltic Sea where there sits a wooden ship, over one hundred years old. It’s a crisp, cool morning and I’m alone as as watch the beautiful shades of blues and blacks change with the waves in the sea. And then, somewhere, something bubbles up in my mind. A word.

“But…”

On such a morning, a perfect day for life, that single word breaks the sunny day like the shadow of ugly skyscraper. There is nothing hampering happiness and so my mind finds it necessary to create problems that do not exist. Battling the shadows for the sake of happiness, I chuckle a bit at the insanity and take a sip of coffee.

I think, “if you can’t be happy here, then where?!”

But that is the condition of humans. The future always looms with the unknown at its side. There is no reason for this other than a sadistic need to sabotage our own happiness whether for a day, a week or a year. Dog forbid a lifetime. And one day our life is over, years have past and we find our self on a perfect beach with strong cup of black coffee staring out over the Baltic Sea looking at a one hundred year old wooden ship. We wonder where our time has gone. And then something bubbles up in our minds. A word.

“Why!”

Some More Time

Time is a funny thing. It keeps moving. Often without us noticing it. Some time is slow and some time speeds past us. every once in a while we feel the breeze of time as it whisks by us and we turn to look; in the past. We are surprised but we shouldn’t be. Time is the only consistent idea.

Time shows itself in so many ways. A wrinkle here, a wall in need of paint, age. But it never changes. Time is the face of god. But even gods must bow to time. It holds for no one and knows no boundaries. There is no world for the amount of time that has passed nor for the amount of time that will be. We can only look up, look back and look forward. We can only watch it pass.

The irony of time is clear: only it is timeless.

And so if we can at all keep any of this in our minds we could look at the world differently, more reverently perhaps. When we believe we have time to spare we might remember that we, unlike time, are not timeless. It might behoove us to remember that time is only a commodity to us. We might change our decisions to reconcile our use of time with the less, much less valuable, the less virtuous, the less worthy. We might even look up at the morning sky and hear nature and silence and thank ourselves for taking those few seconds to do so.

Time is not ours to keep, but only borrow. And for this reason and many more we can realize that time is priceless, that thing that we measure out so carelessly.

Time is an illusion, but it is the only meaningful one that we have.

Masters of Life

Walking with two dogs through a beautiful place. I never wonder where they are or if they’ll run away. The always make sure I am close at hand. I like to watch them run up and down the small hills that roll throughout this wonderful place. It fits them. They never have any worries and they always find new things to explore. They’re happy down in the valleys or on the pointy, tops of the sandy dunes.

Their lives are simple. The chase dreams and illusions and spend their time with sand and cold air in their fur. they have no grand plans or any purpose other than to enjoy my company and this place; this magical place. They have no need for all the things that fill my head.

I think. I realize that I do not have need for all the things in my head. That’s why I like this place, this magical place. The dogs remind me that this place is important, and it should be important. As I walk I watch them, with their tongues hanging out and their eyes full of glory and happiness. I watch them and I realize that I am a student of these masters of life. And they, they are students of this place. This magical place.

Time

Time is that thing that we all believe we have. We give time away freely until we cannot. Then, it stands still. Often it’s when small-talk starts; that empty noise that happens so often when there is really nothing to say. It is the fast food version of conversation. Replies are a strain because there is no substance, no subject to the noise. A two-minute meaningless meet-up stretched to a full day of coffee just to stay upright.

This is all true and yes it is painful to watch our time slither away empty handed. But lest we forget; sometimes talk is not about conversation. Sometimes it is about the people that we are with. We may not like them but that doesn’t matter either. One day they will be gone. Time will move on. And then we can bide our time and be alone in our thoughts of those people we once knew. We will realize that we missed an opportunity to make time our own.

It is easy to forget, time. It is our own and no one else’s. It is easy to forget that time is an empty vessel that travels alongside us, always moving and always running to and from us as we stare, empty-eyed into empty eyes and empty minds.

Hatred

Hatred takes work. it takes time and energy and patience as well as planning. It is not an easy thing to keep up over time. It is not as easy as it is to hate. So, perhaps we must simply “dislike”? Perhaps. But then the work simply becomes more specific. It is less broad and comes with questions: what degree of “dislike”? Is there a chance for forgiveness? It all becomes so complicated.

“There is a hill I will die on…” we tell ourselves. There is “a point of no return…” we say. And so we think to ourselves what that hill might be, or where that point is. Perhaps we pour ourselves a cup of coffee and ponder these questions. And times passes. There is no clear answer but now time invested time and energy. We still don’t like the person we wanted to hate but we’ve found that hatred burns hot and quick and the embers of dislike become cool.

Eventually we find that we don’t have to do anything. We simply have to be honest, both with ourselves and the person we wanted to hate, or at the very least dislike. But we can do these things in silence or even better, disregard. The best we have is apathy. Whatever takes the least amount of our time and energy and effort. If the hill or the point is truly there then why spend more time than needed getting to them. Let them sit in peace.

Our time is priceless and there is only so much energy. Why waste it on those that aren’t worth the effort?! Be honest. Be courteous, but be miserly with time and energy. Those are really the only things we have.