family

Truth is Like Poetry: 12

Problem: Social Disconnect

While individuals have historically relied primarily on family and tribal ties, in modern societies we have been given the opportunity to broaden our horizons because of agriculture and economic systems.  From there, technology has further allowed us comfort and lastly ease in acquiring comfort.  Now modern societies and individuals seem to be slowly losing the historic ties to one another that we’ve had throughout history.

      Today it is not uncommon to see people with a cellphone in their hands almost all of the time, or seemingly talking to themselves (and not paying attention) while on walks with their dogs and/or children, or with friends.  This lack of connection with our environments and with each other is becoming ubiquitous and as it grows our very real need for each other is forgotten.  The problem is that we actually need each other in many ways.

      First, in order to have a civil society we must ourselves act civil.  To act civil we must be responsible and courteous citizens.  These are processes that are necessary not only for individuals, but for groups of individuals.  The internet, rather than actual discussion has taken over much social discourse.  Individuals text while in the company of others.  And the longer that this goes on, the more normalized it gets. The more normalized these slights become the less connected we become with the world around us.  While these seeming slights are seen by many as little nothings, they make up a large portion of what makes societies civil in the first place: our actual connection to those around us and the environment that we find ourselves. 

      As civility wanes because of social disconnections, we are slowly slipping into uncivil practices that then become more normalized.  It is a vicious cycle.

Solution:  Clubs/family connections, social mindset change, and tech company regulation

            The solution to social disconnect must start with individuals’ decisions to live their lives in healthy ways.  Individuals must understand that the “latest fad”, the “newest shiny object” in the arsenal of our consumeristic societies is not always worth the price we pay.  This will, perhaps, happen with time, but it will need to be pushed along by individual’s understanding that they are being fenagled, fed their opinions, and are to great degree, influenced by others, especially sales and marketing.  The decision to “think for one’s self” is influenced a great deal by technical companies.

            Recently most of the social-media giants have been found out to actually be the sellers and buyers of a us as products.  Many if not most of their dealings could be considered immoral at best, and illegal at worst.  For these reasons strict regulation of what tech companies can and cannot say and do must be enacted.  Again, the reminder that this solution is not about censorship, but about the capitalistic motivations behind tech companies.

            Perhaps another solution is to create a society in which the concept of family is once again put central to society.  The family unit in past decades has been the victim of poverty, drugs, consumerism, and general malaise caused by the infatuation of money by society.  This needs to change.  These solutions are not simple nor should they be.  We have allowed ourselves to be herded and corralled.  Now we must make the decision to be free once again.

Rituals

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There are rituals that we all seem to abide by often without knowing it.  These rituals seem so inconspicuous when we are alone but when guests come, or when they are otherwise interrupted, they show themselves in unusual ways.  If we work away from the home we tend to enjoy the workplace just a little more; or when we work at home we notice the rituals and how they are being poked at, if just a little.

This is nothing against the guests in our houses; they are welcome and enjoyed.  But the little rituals in our lives are, well, just a little put out.  If you have pets, especially a dog, you probably notice this.  However, when our own rituals must be put on hold, the dog’s perspective doesn’t seem that strange.  We, like our pets, live by rituals.

The ritual itself doesn’t really matter, it is not the ritual act that counts.  Rather it is the act of having a ritual that seems important.  We do things in a certain way, at a certain time.  Personally,  I notice this when my early morning coffee ritual is changed (read “interrupted”).  Coffee itself is a ritual, not just the need and desire for caffeine.  Coffee in the morning and a beer (or two) at night are explicit rituals, but what about those small, inane rituals that our lives are filled up with?

We do not notice the small moments in our lives when we are in the middle of living them.  It is only when we are reminded of them that they matter.  Perhaps rituals are not unlike our past: they are made and then remembered?  Perhaps Hume and other philosophers are right when they state that we are nothing but a collection of memories?  This may be the case, but if so then the memories themselves are rituals incognito.

Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas everyone!  It has been the time for Christmas spirit as well as that time of year when we all try just a little harder to be a little nicer.  Just as so many other things in our lives, it is a good reminder that in order to change the world we must first begin with the belief that we can, and then act upon it.  It is not much different than the Christmas season itself.

You may not believe in Santa Claus, but to act as if you do doesn’t hurt.  Santa Claus embodies the potential that we have as individuals.  The hard part of potential is that it takes time, more than a season of cheer has to spare.  But it is well worth it.  But that is perhaps the worth of believing in Santa: we can better ourselves for reasons other than selfish ones.

Perhaps Christmas reminds us that our dreams do not have to be forgotten; that our goals do not have to go unsung.  Christmas reminds us that failure is an option, but never for long.  The Christmas spirit is that spirit that we all have in those unfortunately few moments when we forget ourselves and the typical cash and consumerism motivations that we often do not realize define us.

While some of us cannot be with family, we can maintain our Christmas spirit by remembering that family is not always blood relatives and that friends are friends even if they are far away.  And so, I raise a glass of my favorite Islay to those I cannot be with tonight, and wish those as well as everyone else little bit of happiness in their lives, as much as there is room for!

Homeward Bound

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When I received my first package of bees I was intent on giving them a good home, replete with ample room and plentiful food.  I worked hard several week prior to their arrival to set up the hive “just right”, and plant flowers that would bloom at different times during the summer.  Of course, the bees were not aware of my preparation work nor were they aware that the newly situated place they had found themselves in was home.  But they had one, and their home made me happy.

 

The idea of home is not as simple as a place, however.  Rather, home is (perhaps) a feeling of comfort, a point when you can let your guard down, and “stay awhile” as it were. Fast food is out of place, advertisement is unwelcome and the smell of cooking is prevalent; home is welcoming and not too fancy.  Home is intimate and it affords a feeling of intimacy when we are there.  Home is quiet and warmth, love and friendship.  Home is comforting.

 

Home is the past: the memories that we cherish and the love of our parents when we were small.  Home is the smell of cooking, welcoming intimacy, quiet, warmth, love and friendship and it can be found anywhere.  Most creatures want a home, but most creatures (such as bees) do not belong to a specific place or even time; having a home is similar: it is not specifically defined.

 

Being raised by loving parents, making friends, finding someone that you love and that loves you back, having experiences, adventures, learning, losing, loving, laughing.  All of these things and so much more make up our homes.  A home is often a process of building memories.  In fact, memories may be the only building blocks of a home, much more than the brick and mortar, the wood and nails that we often find solace in.

 

A home cannot be bought and sold but it is not free.  We must create our homes and live in them as best we can.  We must accept the homes we have built and know that we can build a new one if need be.  Having a home is remembering why we are who we are, and planning who we want to be.  Home is comfort in the knowledge that we are self-sufficient, that we made choices and took responsibility for them.  Home is that quality of happiness that is rare and often fleeting; it is that feeling that we do not belong, but not because we are outcasts, but only because that is the nature of the human house.

 

Everyone and everything needs a home.  It is the ultimate goal.  We all belong to the human household, but not all of us have built a home.  Somehow, my bees have reminded me of this, and the chickens that I will soon get; the vegetable garden and the fruit trees.  The memories of long past times, and the achievements and failures that linger, and the wishful dreams of times to come; this is in essence what makes a house a home.  I wish you luck in building your own.